Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize