Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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