Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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