Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
