Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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