my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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