I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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