I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize