Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize