Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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