My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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