it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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