tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize