I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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