I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You don't make any sense
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I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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