Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
there is glitter all over my balls
God, I missed his penis.
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