i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize