I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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