just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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