i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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