Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
4 words: hood of his car
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New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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