so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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