it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
