tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize