i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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