Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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