If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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