Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize