Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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