Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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