I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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