The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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