so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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