Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
