At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
