My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
