chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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