wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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