I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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