if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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