true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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