Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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