Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize