Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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