i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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