i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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