meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize