Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize