TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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