We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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