Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize