this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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