i just had sex bonerless
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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