I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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